Anger is an Energy - a Negative One
I would like to divide this blog into four sections, each beginning with a question. The four questions are: What is Anger? Why do we get angry? Why is anger so harmful? How can we overcome our anger?
What is Anger?
The first and perhaps most important thing to understand is that anger is a delusion. If we can realise that when we act out of anger, we are at that moment a deluded person, being manipulated and controlled by a destructive force, we will be strongly motivated to free ourselves from it.
We value freedom above everything else - yet when we are under the influence of anger we lose the freedom to pursue the wisest course of action. Who wants to be a puppet, being forced to do things that they don't actually want to do, but are powerless to stop doing?
If we look deeply into our mind and observe our anger over a long period of time we will begin to realise that when we are angry we are not seeing things as they really are; anger becomes a filter through which we perceive a warped version of reality.
To put it another way: when we are angry we project a distorted version of reality and subsequently relate to that reality as if it were objectively true. In truth, it is our subjective projection.
Secondly, the function of anger is to destroy. It destroys our inner peace, our happiness, our relationships and eventually our health. Even inanimate objects are not safe from our anger! Of course, crappy modern technology breaks down all the time, but a fair number of the breakages are due to our own Basil Fawlty - hitting a car with a leafy branch - moments.
Like all delusions, anger originates in ignorance. We ignorantly believe that the things we perceive, whether it be a person, a painting, a sunset or a hamster, have good and bad qualities from the side of the object and their apparent beauty or ugliness has nothing to do whatsoever with our mind. This is how things generally appear to us and we consent to this appearance. But is this appearance true? Do we really have nothing to do with the beauty or ugliness of the things we encounter in our lives?
Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? Before we go on to look at anger it is imperative we investigate this point because this misunderstanding is the very root of anger.
The most extreme example I have ever come across in my life which illustrates, beyond all reasonable doubt, that beauty most definitely is in the eye of the beholder, concerns the fifty-something year-old sister of one of my best friends from my time in Brighton.
The gentleman of her affections wasn't so much ugly as disfigured. He lips were hugely swollen and distorted and almost his entire face was covered by a blotchy, purple mark (possibly an enormous birthmark) that looked like the remnant of a stain left by a giant beetroot. Furthermore, the lower parts of his face - not just the big, purple, slug-like lips - were puffed up to almost twice their natural size.
It is fair to say that their relationship fascinated us. At first we simply couldn't believe that a 'normal' looking woman would choose such an unfortunate looking person to be their partner. As incredulous as we were about their relationship status (this was before facebook, but allow me to use the modern parlance) this was nothing compared to the incredulity that blossomed when we realised they were in some kind of relationship and we subsequently turned our thoughts towards their possible sex life.
In conspiratorial and disbelieving tones: 'Surely they're not shagging?!'
Well, they probably were. And if they were not, I seem to remember it's because he was less interested in her than she was in him! The main point here is that she found him attractive. Indeed, one day she turned round to my friend and asked her directly: 'Don't you find him handsome?' That she could possible find this freakish looking character handsome simply astounded us.
A question arises. Where was this quality of handsomeness to be found? Somewhere within the person? Or was it projected by the mind of my friend's sister on to the person? If the quality of ugliness existed from the side of the person then everyone would perceive the person as ugly. If this were the case then we would be simply tuning our mind in to perceive what is objectively out there - an inherently ugly person.
Through careful analysis of our day to day experiences we can begin to understand that we do indeed have a big part to play in the perception of the good, bad or neutral qualities we perceive in things.
For example, if we have a routine such as going to work every morning, we will soon start to realise that whether our journey is enjoyable or not depends almost entirely upon our state of mind and not, as we might suppose, on the friendliness or unfriendliness of the people we meet along the way and the type of experiences we have.
If we wake up one fine morning and jump out of bed with all the pizazz and panache of Roberto Benigni in Life is Beautiful, we will find that it is almost impossible for us to be dislodged from our good mood, even if we encounter circumstances that we would usually find unbearable. Our inner feeling of happiness is able to nourish and sustain us and is abundant enough to prevent our mind following normal habit patterns, such as getting angry when someone pushes in front of us getting on the metro.
If we wake up in a foul mood our journey to work will be radically different. It is entirely possible that the people we meet that day may actually be more friendly and smiley than they normally are. However, with an angry, irritable mind as our filter our interpretation of the data we receive will be a negative one.
The day before (when we were Roberto) the driver scowled at us as we got on the bus because we didn't have our change ready, but we found his over reaction amusing. Today with our bad mood hat on, he gives us a warm smile and we are annoyed that he is so chirpy.
With anger we are barking at our own projection. Anger projects negative attributes on to the person (the object of our anger) and then foolish relates to that person as if those attributes exist from the side of the person and have nothing to do with the angry projection.
Why do we get Angry?
One of the most common reasons we get angry is frustration of our desires. If we have a strong desire for events to follow a certain course and they do not, our habitual response is to feel angry and frustrated. The stronger our attachment to a particular outcome, the stronger our anger.
For example, if we are particularly attached to a person of the opposite sex and hope to become their partner and they suddenly reject and criticise us, it is very easy for our feelings of 'love' to suddenly transform into feelings of intense hatred.
We tend to have unrealistic expectations. It's almost as if we expect everything always to work out and nothing to ever go wrong and if it something does go wrong it is some great outrage and the natural order of events is somehow conspiring against us. It is actually more realistic and self-presavatory to expect things to go wrong! This is not pessimism but realism. Moreover, if we let go of unrealistic expectations we actually feel calmer and more peaceful.
Another reason we get angry is fear. We can feel threatened either physically or even philosophically. If someone threatens a view that we are particularly attached to, our automatic, mechanical response to that threat is anger.
For example, if we have strong attachment to a view that is based on a mere belief and not on experiential knowledge - such as the idea that their is no life after death - we can become very angry if someone presents a very credible argument in favour of rebirth. Because our views (at least in part) define our personality, and our personality has been constructed painstakingly over many years, an attack on our views feels like an attack on our self. We take it personally.
Why is Anger so Harmful?
The fundamental wish of every single living being is to be happy. Nobody wants to experience suffering even for a moment. When we are angry, our mind is unpeaceful and uncontrolled, our inner feelings are by nature unpleasant and we say and do things that we later regret, planting the seeds for future misfortune and suffering. We are unconsciously going against our own fundamental wish to be happy right now and seriously jeopardising our future happiness.
One moment of anger can destroy the harmonious balance of a relationship that has grown fruitfully for years. If we keep getting angry our mind becomes more and more disturbed, our emotions more difficult to control and our mood darker and darker as we accumulate a residue of negative energy.
Nothing good ever comes from anger. Whatever dynamic actions we can do with anger we can also do with a mind of compassion. When a mother acts to protect her child from suffering - for example if she sees them playing dangerously in the middle of the road - she may superficially display the face of anger as she screams at her child to be careful, but inwardly her motivation is love. This is not anger.
How can we overcome our anger?
If we identify our anger within our own mind and experience we will start to develop a little bit of wisdom. The more clearer we see our anger, it's function, it's origin and how much it harms us, the deeper will be our wish to transcend it.
It is important to understand that anger is not us and not an intrinsic part of our inner nature. In Buddhism they give the example of a glass of water with some mud in it. If you stir this mixture the water will appear to change its character - it will appear to have become inseparable from the mud, however, if you leave the mixture for a while the mud will gravitate to the bottom of the glass and the water will remain clear - they never become the same nature.
In the same way no matter how frequently we get angry, anger can never sully our true nature, our Buddha nature. It is possible to transcend and transmute our anger without losing some essential part of our self.
Another important point is that anger is a habit - a habit that we are very familiar with. Like any other habit we can learn to reduce it, then eventually cease it altogether. We can learn to observe our stream of thoughts in meditation. With mindfulness we can watch our thoughts go past like clouds in the sky and resist the temptation to follow them. We can then apply this practice in our daily life.
With training we can learn to spot anger the moment it arises, detach from it and allow it sail harmlessly through the sky of our mind. Left alone the initial small spark of anger, devoid of our energy, will dissolve back into the mind. In this way we decrease our habit of following anger every time it arises. If we continue to do this our anger will appear less and less frequently and with less power. We are not suppressing our anger, rather we are using our awareness to observe it rather than feeding it. There is a very, BIG difference.
If, in situations where we would normal react with anger we remain internally calm and peaceful then we will have the space and clarity to respond in a more constructive manner.
Moreover, the greater our silent awareness, the closer we are to our real nature, and the more this will start to reveal itself, shining through the spaces where the delusions used to be. Delusions are like weeds in the mind obstructing the growth of pure and beautiful flowers and awareness is like a gardener clearing out the weeds allowing space for the flowers to grow.
Sometimes we need to be inspired to put these ideas into practice out in the field. We can encourage ourselves by remembering an inspiring quote or some good advice. One of the most famous quotes on the futility of anger is by the Buddhist Saint Shantideva. If instead of observing our thoughts with awareness we are about to get angry we can remember these words:
'If something can be done to remedy a situation,
Then there is no point in getting angry,
Likewise, if it is outwith the bounds of possibility to remedy,
There is still no point in getting angry,
What we be the benefit in that?!'
Anger is UTTERLY pointless. All it ever does is disturb our inner peace. Through the practice of mindfulness or awareness we can learn to transcend and even transform our anger. We can learn to solve our problems without anger. In fact, anger makes every problem ten times worse!
As it states above: if there is something we can do to remedy a situation, what is the point of also, getting angry? If there is an unsolvable problem. Then we are we going to do? If we respond to an unsolvable problem with anger, we are merely pointlessly upsetting ourselves. This is stupid!!
If we realise that anger is a delusion, it's function is solely to destroy, it is not part of our real nature, it is just a bad habit and it is utterly pointless, then we will definitely be motivated to apply the techniques for overcoming anger. With strong motivation our ability to detect and observe anger will definitely improve, our silent awareness will grow and our inner peace and wisdom will increase. In time anger will no longer be a negative influence in our life. This is what everyone wants.
